Empathize with them:

If you can take their perspective or see things from their point of view, you will really make them feel valued. The easiest way to do this is to understand that they have a legitimate reason for feeling this way. Your feelings are your reality. Emphasize with them, even if you can’t understand where these feelings are coming from.


This should be pretty self-explanatory, but most people don’t really listen. The more you listen, the more you will notice what is being said between the lines. Focus on why they use the words they use and you’ll finally really hear it. (See “Active Listening” on Google.)

Always agree first:

“Yes, and…” is how to carry on a conversation. You’ll be surprised how much more open people talk if you agree with them first. Agreeing with them, in this sense, just means acknowledging that they see it that way.

That doesn’t mean you have to accept their point of view. You can always retrace your steps later, but try to agree first, as this opens the conversation and doesn’t end it out of spite.

Make eye contact:

7 seconds of eye contact, then a brief look away, then focus on their eyes again. Just don’t get so lost in their eyes that you forget to listen.

Pretend they know the secret to everything:

Pretend that they, in this conversation, are going to reveal a way to achieve world peace, become a millionaire in an instant, or give you the advice you needed to change your life for the better forever. . If that were true, how close would you be listening?

Use Their Name:

people love to be remembered. Make an effort to remember every name you come across and use it; after all, it is the most beautiful word in the world for most.

Encourage them:

Praise them in front of others, use physical contact when appropriate, and if you have the resources, give them small gifts or send them messages throughout the day to let them know you remember them.

Choose to be present:

just focus on them and not be available for everything else. Turn off your phone, save your calendar, and try to separate the people and sounds around you as best you can. Everything else can wait until later.

Ask open-ended questions:

they should be the ones doing the talking 80-90% of the time. Ironically, this will make them feel more valued and they’ll like having an amazing conversation. Rule of thumb: The longer someone can talk, the more likely they are to walk away from the conversation feeling great.

Have fun:

put a smile on your face, keep your energy upbeat and positive, and try to have fun. The energy transits through our micro-expressions and is welcomed by everyone around us. In a conversation, both sides will emotionally balance each other and meet somewhere in the middle. If you’re in a good mood, you’re likely to cheer them on, and that’s what they remember.

Remember that emotions will be remembered, not words

The person will not care so much about what you said but how you said it. If you instill positive emotions in them during the conversation, you may have said nonsense and they will still remember the conversation fondly. These are emotions that we remember more than words. This is also one of the main lessons when it comes to dating: make the other person feel good.