Mark Manson, a popular blogger, and writer conducted a fascinating experiment. He asked 1,500 people in love to share the secret of strong and healthy relationships. What he found surprised him.
We want to share with you a short version of the best relationship guide of all time, based on Mark’s research.
Have Realistic Expectations About Relationships And Romance
Romeo and Juliet is not a love story. It is a three-day adventure between a 13-year-old girl and a 17-year-old boy that resulted in the death of 6 people.
True love is about choice and devotion, whatever the immediate circumstances. Romance is temporary, but it is what many today confuse with love. When passion goes, it goes forever.
Many enter relationships to make up for something they lack or hate about themselves. This is a dead-end. Their love becomes temporary and they stay together until they have something to offer each other.
Be Together For The Right Reasons
Mark asked people who were married before what they had done wrong. By far the most frequent response was I was with him/her for the wrong reasons.
- Pressure from family or friends.
- Feeling like you’re a loser being alone and agreeing to be with the first person to come along.
- Relationships that look good in photos but not in reality.
- Being young and naive and full of a love that can conquer everything.
- Wishing to improve yourself through another.
A Healthy Relationship Doesn’t Require Sacrifice
Sacrifice in relationships is a common theme. You try to keep your relationship happy by constantly sacrificing yourself for your partner.
However, to make yourself feel really healthy and happy, you need two healthy and happy personalities. And this is the keyword here. That means two people who maintain their individuality at all times.
Respect Comes Before Communication
Divorced people who have lived with their partners for 10 to 15 years, for the most part, said that communication was the key to success. However, couples who have been together for decades have always spoken of respect.
Conflicts are inevitable, and common respect and faith are the only things that can save your relationship.
Also, you should respect yourself – the lack of it will make you feel like you can’t be loved, which won’t do your relationship any good.
Here are some examples of correct behavior from many happy couples:
- Never speak ill of your partner in front of anyone. If you have problems, discuss them.
- Respect your partner’s right to have his or her own interests and ambitions.
- Respect the right to vote. You are a team and must work together.
- No secrets. If you are honestly together, then be completely honest.
Both You And Your Partner Will Change In Unexpected Ways. Embrace It
Couples who have been together for more than 20 years often notice how much a person changes over time. You must be ready to accept these changes. It is not about taste or something trivial: it is about radical life changes.
The most frequent couples who fought and won were the change of religion, the transfer to another country, the death of a relative, the care of relatives, the change of political opinion, and even the change of sexual orientation.
Give Each Other Space
People interviewed by Mark talked a lot about separate bank accounts, friends, hobbies, vacations … Some even advised against sleeping in the same room.
The more we want to be loved, the more we tend to control our partner’s life. However, this inability to give them space to be themselves is a delicate lack of respect.
Love your partner the way they are, even when you are upset. Trusting each other. Let’s give ourselves the benefit of the doubt. To be honest. Be proud of each other. Be open to change and accept the new. Print and read every day. “
Based on materials from markmanson.net