I have been on a self-awareness journey for almost two years. I knew there was always something missing in my life. Therefore, I would stay in toxic relationships for a long time, trust the less trustworthy ones, and eat and drink my way to happiness.
As I continued to self-destruct, a lightbulb went off and it was fucking bright. Recently, it got brighter, so bright that I couldn’t darken it and had to look directly at it. As I watched it, I saw places where I had taken the wrong path many times in my life.
Moments when I put others before myself and had no limits! Times when I reacted to situations and did not respond. It is a miserable way to live.
I was becoming a human doormat and, at the same time, developing a self-deprecating rage that I could no longer live with.
With that, I made a conscious decision to change what I had control over in my life. The first thing I changed was my relationship with an abusive partner. I cut her out of my life 100%.
There is no return. Every time I came back, I validated my low self-esteem; it was disgusting and depressing. The longer I stayed, the more I pushed people out of my life for the right reasons.
The problem was that I kept chasing someone to help me relieve the unhealed childhood trauma that I desperately needed to resolve.
Below are some truths I have discovered throughout my journey. It hasn’t been easy, and I know I’m far from where I need to be, but I’m making one mistake at a time!
Self-Respect: Walk away if you have to beg someone to treat you like a decent human being.
True Colors: When someone shows who they are with actions, not words, trust me. The words mean nothing; action means everything.
Love: most will not find it; if you do, show patience. The person will show you differently. The one you love the most can do the most damage.
Confidence: Do not give voluntarily. Most are not worthy of it. Make a person earn your trust, be selective with whom you give it.
Priority: If a partner shows you over and over again that you are a mere object, not a focus, believe him, walk away.
Health: Treat the body with love, or you will suffer the consequences.
A hundred years from now: You probably won’t be remembered by many and it’s a distant memory for some. Make a lasting impression.
Selfish: There are many selfish people in the world. The more empathy and feelings you have, the worst of the worst you will attract. Caution.
Self-awareness: we are not born with it. We develop it with life lessons. Without it, you will suffer immensely. Pay a lot of attention.
Childhood Trauma: If you don’t face it, you have a way to deal with it. You will find the most abusive toxic idiots. You will meet the same person to relive all that trauma without healing that you knew nothing about, with the same viciousness, perhaps worse.
Self-love: It is rarely sought after because it is not easily found. Take care of yourself, don’t look at others for your self-esteem. Don’t settle. Know that you are enough, period.