Many of us go through romantic relationships in search of the perfect relationship. The point is: the quality of the relationship is subjective. What we do know is that bad relationships have negative outcomes, such as poor physical health, depression, and loss of productivity at work, but sometimes we can’t identify what makes them good. The good news is that scientists have discovered what are the most important characteristics of a successful one.
We want to build healthy and happy relationships, and we are delighted with the findings of this study. To understand what important characteristics scientists have listed as the exact ones we need for a good relationship, read on.
There Are Reasons Why Some Romantic Relationships Thrive More Than Others
While it’s difficult to understand what makes a relationship last, scientists have long studied what makes a relationship successful. The psychologist John Gottman conducted several experiments in what he called the “Love Lab.”
Based on his findings, he classified the couples into “masters” and “disasters.” Then he looked at the common traits of “masters” (those who had long-term relationships) and “disasters” (those who were divorced or unhappy).
What he concluded was that the “master” couples were grateful for each other and built an atmosphere of respect and kindness. Feeling validated, cared for, understood, and sharing moments of joy is very important for couples to feel connected and faithful to each other. But there are other proven traits that make a relationship last.
The Most Important Qualities Of Long-lasting Relationships
One very interesting study looked at 11,196 couples for about a year and collected data that aimed to predict the quality of relationships. They measured age, personality traits, gender, and income. After all, these were the characteristics that best predicted whether a couple would be happy in a relationship.
- Perceived partner commitment: as in “My partner wants our relationship to last forever.”
- Appreciation: as in “I feel very lucky to have my partner in my life.”
- Satisfaction in an intimate relationship: as in, the partners feel happy with their intimacy.
- Perceived partner satisfaction: as in “Our relationship makes my partner very happy.”
- Conflict: as in “How often do you have fights with your partner?”
These characteristics indicate that both partners are committed, have similar goals, and feel trust, love, and passion in an intimate and romantic relationship.
And These Are The Individual Factors And Risks That If Overcome Will Lead To Relationship Satisfaction:
Below are some characteristics based on the couple’s feelings towards the relationship. They include:
- Life satisfaction: as in “The conditions of my life are excellent.”
- Negative affect: as in feeling distressed or irritable.
- Depression: as in feelings of hopelessness.
- Attachment anxiety: as in “I worry a lot about my relationships with others.”
- Attachment avoidance: as in “I prefer not to be too close to romantic partners.”
This means that these were the feelings that mattered the most in a relationship. Some are good and some are not. In general, the sum of positive feelings must outweigh the negative ones and build a happy and lasting relationship.
Interestingly, the personality, race, education, or the way the other perceived the couple’s relationship didn’t seem to matter much.
After All, What Makes A Good Relationship Is Being Satisfied And Appreciative
What this means is that a lasting relationship goes beyond what we usually learn: the illusion of finding the perfect partner. What the study really shows is that the quality of a relationship is based primarily on how satisfied and grateful you are for each other, and personality matters little.
According to study author scientist Samantha Joel, building a partnership is more important than the partner you choose, and this leads to a satisfying relationship. For everyone, the advice is: focus not so much on one type of person but on mutual commitment and satisfaction.
When it comes to a good relationship, what do you think is the most important characteristic?
What is the characteristic that you most appreciate in your partner? If you are single, what do you think would make you most satisfied in a relationship?
Preview photo credit RealHughJackman/ Twitter, Patrick McMullan/ Patrick McMullan/ Getty Images
