Have you ever heard the saying, “the best way to get over someone is to get under someone else?” I received this advice when I was in my early twenties. I was single and heartbroken after my long-term relationship ended.
My friends told me that finding someone new was the best way to get over my ex. So I did as they said and jumped into a rebound relationship. You won’t be surprised to learn that it didn’t work.
I came into this relationship with a lot of baggage and raw emotions. I was trying to fill the void left by my ex. And I wasn’t being honest with myself or the other person about what I was looking for.
As a result, this relationship was a huge disaster. It ended up causing me more pain than if I had taken the time to be single and heal.
If you’re considering starting a rebound relationship, I want to share three reasons why starting a new relationship isn’t always a good idea.
You may not be ready to move on
After my ex-boyfriend and I broke up, I mistook my acceptance for being ready to move on. I had no problem acknowledging that the relationship was over for good, but I was far from emotionally ready to start something new.
I still harbored a lot of anger, resentment, and sadness. I hadn’t had time to process my feelings about the breakup.
So when I entered this new “situation,” I had nothing to offer but anger, resentment, and sadness. I projected all my raw emotions onto the new person.
I did tremendous damage to this person who does not deserve it.
Rebound relationships don’t usually last.
This one should be pretty obvious, but rebound relationships often don’t last for a variety of reasons.
You usually don’t have the right mindset to build a healthy and lasting relationship. Are you trying to fill the void left by your ex, or are you looking for a temporary distraction from the pain of your breakup?
At least that was my experience. I wasn’t focused on finding someone who was compatible with me or who I had a genuine connection with. I was trying to find someone, anyone, to take my mind off my ex.
And that’s exactly what I got. But he wasn’t interested or couldn’t be the person I needed him to be. Nor should it be. They were mine, not his.
You could end up hurting yourself and the other person
As I mentioned, I was not in a good place when I got into my rebound relationship. And because of that, I ended up hurting myself and the other person.
My heart was practically shut down, I projected mountains of raw emotions onto it, and had unrealistic expectations of what this “relationship” was supposed to be.
I subconsciously tried to make him into the man I wish my ex had been. Looking back, I didn’t see him as a person. I was using it to try to ease my pain.
And while relationships are always a two-way street, I know that I caused the vast majority of the pain in this situation.
Of course, there are exceptions to all the rules. So not all rebound relationships are the shit that mine was. But I find it essential to enter every relationship with eyes wide open and honest about your intentions, with yourself and with the other person.
If you’re not ready to move on or just looking for a distraction from the pain of your breakup, be honest about it. Give the other person the opportunity to choose whether or not to take the risk.
